Reflection

Sometimes, life sucks. It's true. There's no way to pass that. It's not that your ungrateful for whatever God brings into your life. It's just, sometimes, you wonder why. I've been thinking alot about my past and my present and what I hope the future brings. I'm coming up to the end of my freshman year of college. Wow! I thought this was gonna take forever, and it's actually passing by so quickly. I look at my future. Matthew. He's my future. No one is going to stand in my way of that. If he weren't here, I don't think I would be. That's the truth. We've been talking alot about having kids and getting married. The married part first naturally. :) We even have the first boy and girl names picked out- Patrick Joseph and Elizabeth Nicole. It's really funny to see that the one name I have always loved and figured he hate is a name he also really likes- Elizabeth. My future, I hope, also holds an enjoyable career dealing with my other love- children. It's my hope to have an impact on this world and what better way then through children. My heart reaches out to those put into a "Christian" school. I've been there. I know what it's like. I've seen so called Christians go all the way through that school. My heart reaches out to those that will be in those same positions. I want to get my hands in there early. Maybe, just maybe- I can prevent the inevitable. Don't get me wrong. I loved my school. If it weren't for the things I went through I don't know where I'd be. It's just- I'm sick of seeing the opposite side of the spectrum. I look now at my past. Where do I begin- hurt, confusion, and sadness. There were moments of happiness. There were also moments of complete and utter depression. There were times I just simply didn't want to live any more. I don't know how I pulled through. I don't know how I ended up where I am. My only guess- the provision of God. I've learned so much. Yes, I've been hurt, but isn't it what I learned that makes it all seem worth it? I've been lied to by my own family, I've been mistreated by the ones who said they loved me, and I've seen heroes be persecuted and torn down because of plain stupidity. You know though- I've made it. I'm looking to the future with surprising optimism. The Lord has gotten me this far. Why should I doubt him now? The past is the past. Let's push forward to a bright and prosperous future. So, life sucks sometimes. Ignore the bad, push for the good.

age 4-- past

age 12-- past

age 19-- present

symbol of my future